The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
