grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
