new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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