my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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