Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
