i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
