you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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