Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
