Who wears a wallet chain?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
