someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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