The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
