my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
