We got so high we made milksteak
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
