My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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