I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
