3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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