Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
