my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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