I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Two words: nipple clamps
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