mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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