I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
