meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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