he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
