So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
