I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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