alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
