I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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