apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
