His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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