Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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