I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
