I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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