i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
