The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
