just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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