Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
