Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
