TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
