it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
