Moan for me like Helen Keller
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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