just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
