I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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