Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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