Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
