I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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