If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
