so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
