I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
