This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
