Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
