I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
this will be a night to untag.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
