the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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