it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
