having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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