I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
