Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
