I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
