spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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