My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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