ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You need Xanax blowdarts
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
