:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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