Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
