The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
