The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
