the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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