Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
